Reading into a Right Relationship

I bit off a big mouthful when I said I was going to finish reading the Bible this year (see my highly official and hugely anal 2013 Bible Reading Plan).  Lately I've been questioning whether I'm really up to the task.  Spring and summer saw me wandering away from the Bible, into personal reading and travel and (tsk tsk) iPhone addiction. I've been better the past couple weeks.  Not great, just not completely negligent.  

So I was stunned when I updated my 2013 Bible Reading Plan Progress spreadsheet and saw this number on the completion chart.

And just as I was starting to feel jazzed about being more than halfway to my goal...

...the bigger question wormed into my conscience.  Is this about what little old me can accomplish when I set my mind to it?  Or is it about what God can do through me when I open the door and invite him in?

While I ponder that, let me entertain you with a Bible book report.

I've been reading Kings 1 & 2 and Chronicles 1 & 2 and Lamentations enough to know that ignoring my relationship with God will lead to destruction and exile and gnashing of teeth and regret and long-term residence in big-time Bummerville.  

Look at what happened to the Jews.  Not content with a heavenly King, they begged for earthly rulers.  David and Solomon did right by their God and their people (mostly).  But lots of other kings were epic failures.  God stayed loyal to his promises, but the Jews started flirting with other gods and neighboring religions.  Until they flirted their way into Babylonian exile.  

Seventy tough and trying years away from home can be a bit of a rude wake-up call.  

Bring-a-ling-a-ling.  Bring-a-ling-a-ling.

"Hello, Isrealites-who-are-no-longer-in-Israel.  This is God talking.  Are you ready to listen?  To really hear?"  

The Jews did listen and learn.  When they got back to Jerusalem they fixed up the busted temple walls and fixed up their lax worship habits.  They cleaned up the temple and cleaned up their act, acting out a faith in a God who is faithful.

I haven't read all the rest of the O.T., but we all know how the story ends.  

God forgives.  God fulfills his promise of an eternal king in the line of David. And in doing so he surpasses all human understanding, giving and giving up his only Son for our sin.  All because he wants to be in deep and loving relationship with us.

Back to the question.  Maybe my Bible reading plan is a bit about me and my pride.  That's part of what drives me through the dryer books of the Bible.  But I think God works through my flawed motivations to move me closer to him.  The more I read God's word, the more I understand how very much I need God's word.  I understand how God will always provide his guidance and grace, even when I have lapsed for a long time.  Just as he did with the Israelites, he will call me back out of my self-created exile, back to his will and his way.

from Mindy Strauss Photography

It doesn't happen by just running eyeballs over pages and comprehending chapter after chapter.  If I just check off book after book, it's an empty exercise. But if I pause and ponder and pray — if I listen to The Lord with my heart and my head — it brings me into a right relationship with my God. 

Sometimes I have to write a book report to figure that out. 

What do you have to do to stick with the word and listen to our lord?

Looking toward Lent

 Lent is almost here.  I savor this season of paring down and looking up.  It's like a total body cleanse for the soul.  And while I always fall short of my spiritual goals for this church season, I usually find myself so much closer to God in the end.

When I was a young and naive Christian newbie, I thought Lent was all about dieting in the name of Jesus.  I gave up chocolate.  Candy.  Desserts.  Invariably I'd have a hedonistic sugar binge sometime (okay, multiple times) during the 40-day deprivation.  It didn't make me feel closer to God, just full of crud — in my stomach and in my weak, weak soul. 

Nowadays I'm not super keen on giving something up for Lent, especially when Valentine's Day falls on the heels of Ash Wednesday.  (Maybe this is the year Mister comes home with a heart-shaped box of chocolate??)  Instead, I try to give up my distracted ways and attempt to give more attention to God.  

The good Lord knows I need a LOT of help in this area.  I think that's one of the reasons he gave me my beautiful kids.  Nurturing my children's faith keeps me more honest and consistent about communing with God than I would ever be on my own.

In the coming days I'll be posting some of the crafty, culinary, and clever things we do around here to draw near to God during Lent.  And I'll post several ideas that we haven't done, but that I'd love to try.  I hope you'll find an idea or two that inspires you and your loved ones.  If you have a favorite Lenten tradition you'd like to add to the mix, please comment about that!

May your Lenten journey to the cross fill you up with God's love, peace, and amazing grace.

17 | Patient Perseverance

How is your patience-o-meter these days? Lately I've had more days in the red zone than I'd like to admit.  Care to join me in a prayer for patience?

Dear Lord,

You know I am a patient person when it comes to some things.  Tutoring and teaching.  Sewing and crafting.  Gardening.  You know I am not so patient when it comes to other things.  Coaching my own kids through homework hurdles.  Traffic.  Grocery check out lines.  Healing.  

I know you want me to be patient.  In all things.  Not begrudgingly, but with your loving patience.

God, one question:  are you the one who circulated the rumor that has been rolling around for a few centuries?  You know the one.  Good things come to those who wait.

Really?  Isn't technology pushing this kind of thinking into an archaic past?  In these days of instant messaging and constant contact, there is a cultural contagion of immediate gratification.  I certainly have been infected.  (When are you going to get off the computer, darling hubby?  I've got to check my emails right now!)  How gross.  Lord, insert your forgiveness here, please.

Okay, the relatively mature side of me recognizes that good things do happen to those who wait.  If I slow down and appreciate, I can count a few...

• Gazpacho chills on a hot summer day.
• Tempers calm.
• Bone marrow donors are discovered.
• Coffee brews.  Tea steeps.
• Tulips thaw, emerge, and bloom.
• Prayers get answered.
• God works wonders.

Thanks, Lord, for these slow blessings that force a patient wait.  Thanks especially for coffee in the morning, and the rich aroma that tickles my nose awake while I wake.  Thanks for that moment of pause and potency as I pour the first mug.  When I know that hot, steamy, strong and roasty caffeine is coming.  I know all will be right. 

Okay, God.  I know that the wait for a cup of coffee is not a very long exercise patience, even for this not-a-morning-mama.  But I want to have that same kind of caffeine-happy, hopeful, assured patience with the big stuff.  The limbo stuff that makes me loopy.  The hard stuff that hurts my heart.  The slow stuff that my soul suffers.  Because that is when something really good happens in the wait.  And that something is you.

If I can wait — calm and patient, positive and trusting — I know my faith will grow.  If I can release control and put my whole trust in you, you will make the waiting easier.  If I can step aside and let you work — in your time, your way — I can witness your wonders.  Lord, please form in me this calm and confident character, steeped in your strength.

And when that kind of patience seems too unattainable, remind me of your patience.  In your loving mercy, you wait for me.  To learn (so slow).  To grow (millimeter by millimeter).  To see in myself what you see in me (glimpse by hazy glimpse).  You wait and forgive, forgive and wait, and love the whole while through with your truly amazing grace. 

I'm going to hang on to your patient love when frustrated impatience tries to drag me down.  When the healing is too slow, the results too hard to see.  When the map for life's crossroads seems smeared and torn.  When the going gets tough.  Help me to endure the rough patches.  Help me to persevere.  To pursue through the severe.  Yes, that's it.  God, please give me the strength to pursue YOU through severe trials.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Hebrews 10:35-36 (NIV)

When I get anxious about the wait, I'm going to try and catch myself before I throw my crumpled confidence away.  I'm going to smooth it out, and read between the lines, focusing on your reward: peace, grace, walking with you into eternity. 

{ looky!  a free printable... for YOU!  from me! }

That is a blessed promise worth waiting for.  I'm going to frame it and focus on it until your answers come through loud and clear, which they always do, in your perfect timing.  Thank you, God, for your promise, for your answers.

Amen.

May you have the patience to wait for God's answers to the trials in your life, today and every day.

16 | Inconsistent Training

Why is it so hard to give up some selfishness and gain some semblance of self control?  Do you struggle with this too?  Please pray with me...

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

Dear Lord,

You know I'm working on self control with my dog.  [Sit.  Down.  Watch.  Leave it.  Aaaarrrgghhhh!!!!!!!!  Stop DIGGING!!!!]  And myself.  [Focus on God.  Quit the crabbies.  Breathe in peace.  Breathe out love.  Be STILL.]

And unrelatedly, or maybe not, I'm trying to recuperate from patellar tendonitis and get back into running and working out.  God, in your wisdom, this physical discipline is not a linear path, and orderly progression.  It's more like one step forward and two steps backwards, with lots of aches and added pounds in the process.  Can you give me some patience with this process?

Let's be honest.  I'm not doing a bang up job in any of these departments of self control.  God, I need your help.  I lift  these disciplinary efforts up to you.

Let's start with the dog.  There are so many passions piled into my day, and that is a blessing.  But I'm not consistent with training.  And it shows, especially in the 18" holes he's added to the yard, the garden.  Here's the sad thing: the pooch craves training.  He's glued to my side in furry puppy love and affection.  He wants my attention.  (God, give me a slice of that eager devotion for you, please.)  I'm just too scattered to spend enough time in that pursuit. 

And then there is the physical healing.  You've put great helpers in my path to recovery: my internist, an orthopedic surgeon, two physical therapists, a personal trainer, and now I've got another trainer/gifted healer lined up for a session of healing massage.  (Thank you for their gifts, for working through them toward healing.)  You've given me good health, but it's a package deal that comes with a hip that slides forward and knees that knock together and all kinds of alignment issues.  I've spent hours on the floor grimacing through postural restoration exercises.  Muscle engagement where I never knew I had muscles.  Small, excruciatingly hard movements.   So small that passersby comment: "Gee, that looks relaxing."  "Taking a break?"  Humph.  I want to break them.  In half.  (God, more patience please.  More kindness, por favor.)  Can you blame me for taking a big, neglectful break from the physical therapy routine?  Yeah, I thought you'd say that.  It's just so slow.  So hard.  The results are so hazy vague.  (Forgive me for whining.)

What I really need forgiveness for is my haphazard spiritual training.  Forgive me for prayers that wander and dissolve before Amen.  For times when I've let go and gossiped.  When I've let bitterness slip.  When I neglect the love letter of your Living Word.  When I've served up service with a side of resentment.  Forgive me for missed opportunities to pull my kids in close to talk about your unconditional love.  For focusing on my shortcomings instead of inviting your grace.  Your unconditional love is for me, too.

This morning — while walking/training the dog and engaging my core/working on hip alignment/tucking in my tailbone and praying — you gave me an epiphany.  You interrupted the skittering thoughts scurrying across my brain.  "But have you embraced any of these training efforts fully?  Truly and fully?"

No. 

Oh, I am ashamed, God, for kidding myself and disgracing you.  Forgive me for my haphazard efforts, my distracted devotion.  For thinking I'm giving you my all when I'm really holding back a big fraction of my self.  Forgive me most of all for trying to do too much (Dog training and walking and physical therapy and praying all at the same time?  Really?) instead of slowing down, focusing, and letting you help.

You are constantly there for me, constantly caring.  Help me to be that constant in my devotion to you.  Help me to be that disciplined in being true to the way you want me to live.  Train my tongue, my temperament, my time management.  When the urge to abandon self control looms large, pull me in close to you and your perfect way.  That is where I want to stay.

Amen.

13 | Spilling Joy

This week I'm digging into the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  I need reminders — lots of reminders — to embrace the spirit's gifts and let them guide my outlook and my behavior.  Please join me in these prayers...

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

John 15:11

Dear Lord,

I woke this morning to furry puppy love, a sprinkling of stars, and soft, fleecy cloud fingers stretching from the southern sky.  You poured joy into my I'm-not-a-morning-person walk.  And when I thought I was content all the way up to my eyeballs, I rounded a corner to — gasp — gaze upon a full and glowing pearl of a morning moon.  You filled me to overflowing.

Lord, help me to always be on the lookout for your gift of joy.  Help me to see it in the small and insignificant routines.  Help me to discover it in the unexpected.  Help me to turn setbacks inside out and find your joy woven in the detours and downturns of my days.  In the dastardly digging dog, muddy up to his armpits... a silly, licky, laughing bath.  In a frustrated homework session with my growing-up girl... an opportunity to embrace and celebrate confusion in route to learning.  In driving forgotten (!!) shoes to school... catching my son laughing, confident, social and comfortable in his classroom.

Lord, I choose your joy over depression, over foul frustration, over dark and stormy skies.  Some days it is the tougher choice.  Some days my grasp on your goodness slips.  Help me to be disciplined in a grateful attitude, a humble heart, a mind set on your righteous will and your perfect way.  Help me to trust in your goodness, which often looks so different from good fortune by earthly standards.  And when I grab hold of your joy, help me to magnify it.  Show me opportunities to share it with others.  Grant me opportunities to spill this joy and glorify you.

Amen.

May you be surprised by joy in unexpected places today.  And may it spill forth from you onto all those lucky people in your midst.

Learning Peace

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:29 (NIV)

Aaaaaahhhh.

Rest for our souls.  

Doesn't that sound utterly delicious?  I'm so craving rest for my soul after a whole month of crashing  into the school year.  As a family we've been coercing teaching the kids to take on a bit more responsibility for getting ready for school, practicing piano, taking care of the house.  We've been trying (desperately, unsuccessfully) to train the dog out of his digging and into a reliable, consistent response to our "come" command.  We've been adapting to increased work demands for both the Mr. and myself.  And, just for fun, I've been painting the exterior of the house.

I am worn.  I am weary.  My heart doesn't feel so gentle or humble.  My soul feels rather ragged.

That is, until I tune in to God.  When I pause my day and look to my Lord for some eternal learning, I find rest.  Sweet, glorious rest.

Did you get a chance to do that today?  I hope and pray that is the case.

We all need that peace, that dose of the heavenly to restore our humanity.  But finding a piece of time—a shred, a mere morsel—for a good dose of God... that is so terribly difficult.

I've learned that I need frequent visual reminders that point me to God.  So I wedge Bible verses in my wallet.  I cram crumbs of Corinthians on the calendar.  I tape tidbits from Timothy near the toilet (yes, it's embarrassing where a fondness for alliteration will lead me...).

This is my quest to subdue all the noise and distraction of this earthly world with God's wisdom, word, and will.

Here is a morsel for you.  Print, post, and ponder.

And as we turn to God's word, we need to give ourselves permission to pause and let his peace wash over us.

Relax.  

Breathe.  Let's release the worries of distractions of this world before we enter the Bible.

Read.  

Slowly.  A little bit at a time.  Studying one verse carefully can be more powerful than skimming a whole chapter.  Reread and let it soak in.  I  like to mull over words that resonate with me.  Sometimes I memorize bits that give me guidance for guidance and sustenance. 

Reflect.  

We all know the saying: in one ear and out the other.  With reading it's in one eye and out the other.  To make it stick, let's revisit our good study habits from our youth.  That might mean writing or thinking or talking through what we've read.  Consider a) where God is in the passage, and b) where this passage fits into our daily lives.  What is the deeper message God has for you (yes, He's talking to you personally!) in this bit of the Bible?

Respond.  

This one is hardest for me.  For years I studied the Bible like a textbook and analyzed it academically.  But I missed a ton.  Then someone encouraged me to read the Bible like a love letter from God, an invitation into a relationship.  I was floored.  God wanted to talk to me about this stuff?  He wanted to help me through it and work on it together?  What a difference it makes to pray to God about what we read in the Bible!  When we pose questions, thank God for insights, pray about how to put his words into our lives—when we do these things something wondrous occurs.  The Living Word lives in us.  It takes root in our hearts and branches out through our actions.  It bears glorious fruit.

Lord,

It seems only fitting—in this autumn season—to turn over a new leaf and harvest the fruit of your Living Word.  As we open our Bibles, let us open our minds and our hearts to your teaching and your everlasting peace.  Let us find rest for our weary souls in your word.

Aaaaaahhhhmen. 

P.S.  Looking for more Bible verses?  Check out the well VERSEd page of this blog.  Feel free to add your favorites!

Attitude Shift

My Mr. has been traveling for the past week. This is not the norm for us, and it wears on the kids and me. To put it mildly, I've taken on a Mommy Dearest persona more times than I care to count. It was ugly. It pained me. It hurt my kids.

Sure, I got plenty of opportunities to model apologizing to my kids. I prayed a lot. ("Help me, help me, HELP MEEEEEEE!!!") I was humbled. But I still wish I could do it all over again, these flimsy silver linings aside. After some serious mental self-flagellation, God led me to this verse this afternoon:

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

Huh. So, it's not such a good idea to dwell on my mistakes? It's better to think positively? Time for an attitude shift. I was tired of being Mommy Dearest, so I channeled June Cleaver (minus the pearls and the pumps).

Today I found a book I thought Petronella would enjoy. I read and napped with Paco. I picked up after the kids, thanking God for their laughter and play instead of grumbling about their oversights. I made chocolate chip cookies. I bounced between assisting Petronella and her buddy with their playdate adventures, and giving Paco some individualized attention. I defied my usual temptation to try and get something crossed off my to-do list. I ate a couple chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmmm.

It felt good. It wasn't all smooth sailing. Petronella had some verbal venom to spew. 
Paco  felt left out and whiney. But I stopped myself before I opened my mouth. I asked WWJD? ...thinking of both Jesus and June. I mostly stayed calm, cool and collected. I kept looking for whatever was noble, right, pure, lovely, etc. God helped me a ton. Thanks, Big Guy.

Thanks, too, to my favorite sitter, who showed up fifteen minutes early for a babysitting appointment that I totally forgot I had scheduled to give myself a break during Mr.'s absence. But instead of beating myself up for my lame brain, I just said, "Time to take more fish oil tablets!" And I thanked God for pleasant surprises.

Spiritual Flabbiness

Thanks be to God for a pretty snowfall. One nice side effect of the wintery traffic: easy parking at the YMCA. I wonder how many New Years Resolutioners crumpled up their fitness resolve this morning? Which got me to thinking and reading...

1 Timothy 4:7b-8 (from The Message)

Exercise daily in God – no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever.

It's easy for me to rally in the fitness category, once I set my mind to it. Can you relate? I get inspired by group classes with motivating instructors. I enjoy the opportunity to connect with friends and meet new ones. I feel more energetic and more comfortable in my clothes. There are more than a few mental and emotional health benefits aside from the physical gains.

But can I claim to be spiritually disciplined? Am I as enthusiastic about reading the Bible? As dedicated to praying? Uhhhhhhh... ahem... whoops.

Sad to say that I don't think I could pray as long as I could run. I don't think I could spend as much time with the Bible as I do at the gym. Wait a sec. God promises that I can do all things through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). Forget the "I can't." Bring on the "God, help me."

One of my resolutions in this new year is to have daily (I mean it! DAILY) quiet time with God (I am 5 for 7). Another is to faithfully turn to him (instead of my nasty side) when the daily grind grinds me down (3 for 296). At the core is my need for spiritual discipline. And it truly is a NEED. Not just for today and tomorrow, but for our life together in eternity.

So if you have pointers for staying focused on God when life's demands pull you in other directions, please let me know. I want to – I need to – learn from your discipline and faith!

Blessings,
Liz