I am trying to put you first and foremost in my mind and in my heart. I feel like I do okay when I'm praying. Or reading the Bible. Or worshiping in church. But when the rubber hits the road... Yikes.
Sometimes I try too hard to train my gaze on you. Adopting a handful of new times and new ways to pray. Posting faith-filled notes in the bathroom, in the car, in my purse. My good intentions morph into an exhausting and empty to-do list, while scripture sticky notes flutter around me and I try to simultaneously pray and back out of the driveway (without hitting Mr.'s car)... And then instead of feeling closer to you, I just feel closer to going berserk... Yikes!
Sometimes I try to put you in a neat and tidy box, one that I can carry with me and open up like a present when I need it. Quiet time. Volunteering at church. Bible study. Fellowship with Lutheran Ladies. Every bit of that is good. But you don't fit in a box. And I don't want my life that compartmentalized. I want your fingerprints all over my life.
I'm starting to see that all of MY trying, while wrought with good intentions, is part of the problem. How can YOU be first if I insist on doing all the work?
Lord, help me to relax. I think I need to say that again. Lordy, Lord, Lord. Help me to: reeeelaaaaaaax. Remind me to ask for your help. Your will and your way trumps my trying every time.
Lord, be first and foremost in my life. Calm my heart, my mind, my soul. Teach me to trust you. Really, truly trust in you. Instill your peaceful stillness in me. Breath by breath. Prayer by prayer. Clear a quiet space in me for you to live large and shine bright.
Frame all I think and do with the goodness that is You.