I'm kind of obsessed with time right now... seasons, moments... they all fly by. Yesterday's prayer/post about paring down is gnawing at me. God is nudging me. So I pray some more on this...
I'm catching myself trying to jam so much into so few minutes each day. It's the prep for the church bazaar, the squeeze of homework, piano practice, lunch assembly, choir, tutoring. It's the wanting to milk every precious moment I have with my kids and my family. Wanting to milk the precious periods of productivity when the kids are at school and the hubby is at work and the dog is freshly walked and tired.
|Full disclosure: this is not my calendar. But as I look at it I think, "Gee, I should make hearts and magnets and bookmarks!" Sick and twisted, yes I am.|
Cram. Cram. Cram. Like my modus operandi for cleaning my room at the clever age of seven. Shove it all under the bed. Every last living thing that was precious to me. Art projects, favorite outfits I couldn't bear to put in the laundry for a day, stuffed animals, books, found treasures (my mother's junk), more found treasures (my sister's treasures, borrowed indefinitely), the cat, for as long as he would stay put. There. Like magic, space appeared for playing and living and sleeping in my bedroom. Order reigned. But only if I ignored the pile spilling out from under my bed. And that was hard to do, given the '70s modern design, sleek and bare and no bedskirt...
Lord, like my seven-year-old self, I'm enjoying a crammed life right now. Yes, truly enjoying. I mostly don't mind the mess (though my Mr. undoubtedly does). I love the stuff that's stuffed into my days; I'm thankful for the ways you provide and inspire and call me to serve. It's all good. So good that I have a hard time letting some of it go. But the minimalist in me does still crave simpler days. Space to breathe. White space that lets the eye rest, the mind ponder. A place to be still with you.
Two sides of my personality tug. Passions vs. paring down. Does it have to be a battle, Lord? I hear you whispering...
This busyness is a fleeting season. Compared to a glorious eternity in heaven, this is a moment, a glimpse. Like the mental snapshot of my messy, silly childhood. This crammed full time is a time to savor. It doesn't have to be ideal to be enjoyed.
As this prayer unfolds I feel your peace. Deep. Hugging my heart. Tickling my toes. For nearly everything in my days these days points back to you, to your gifts. You are there in the grace boxes I'm making, the "give thanks" banners I'm crafting. You are there in the patience I'm practicing with kids homework and piano. You are there in my Bible-infused quiet time, compressed yet sustaining. There in the prayers. In the logistical discussions with my mister. The volunteering at church, at school, in the community.
The simplicity — the paring down — will come. It may be another season, another stage. But it can also happen now. The simplicity comes from quieting my mind, my soul. The simplicity comes from breathing in the spaces I do have. Lord help me to do this. Help me to breathe in your love and breathe out your peace. Breathe in your omnipresent positivity and breathe out prayers. The simplicity lives in focusing on you.
Thank you, Lord, for being my breath today. Thank you for filling me with peace.