Sure, I got plenty of opportunities to model apologizing to my kids. I prayed a lot. ("Help me, help me, HELP MEEEEEEE!!!") I was humbled. But I still wish I could do it all over again, these flimsy silver linings aside. After some serious mental self-flagellation, God led me to this verse this afternoon:
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.
Huh. So, it's not such a good idea to dwell on my mistakes? It's better to think positively? Time for an attitude shift. I was tired of being Mommy Dearest, so I channeled June Cleaver (minus the pearls and the pumps).
Today I found a book I thought Petronella would enjoy. I read and napped with Paco. I picked up after the kids, thanking God for their laughter and play instead of grumbling about their oversights. I made chocolate chip cookies. I bounced between assisting Petronella and her buddy with their playdate adventures, and giving Paco some individualized attention. I defied my usual temptation to try and get something crossed off my to-do list. I ate a couple chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmmm.
It felt good. It wasn't all smooth sailing. Petronella had some verbal venom to spew.
Paco felt left out and whiney. But I stopped myself before I opened my mouth. I asked WWJD? ...thinking of both Jesus and June. I mostly stayed calm, cool and collected. I kept looking for whatever was noble, right, pure, lovely, etc. God helped me a ton. Thanks, Big Guy.
Thanks, too, to my favorite sitter, who showed up fifteen minutes early for a babysitting appointment that I totally forgot I had scheduled to give myself a break during Mr.'s absence. But instead of beating myself up for my lame brain, I just said, "Time to take more fish oil tablets!" And I thanked God for pleasant surprises.